Patches in October colors.

Like patches of art and pieces of a strangers mind, we are pushed against buildings invading brick walls. We set quite the show for our watchers inside of the coffee shop we hang around. Like screens, gazes through glass windows, your limp body dangles from the side of my chair while i inhale your hair and my cigarette in the same breath. Like postcards we are, like patches of characterizing art permanently sunken into cement, into bricks; sink into my heart. You are my art. Windows cracked for my polluting smoke, invade my mind like you do so well.

"I'm stuck in a web and it's hard to get out," she cries to us without tears, but instead deep eyes and a shy version of a sad smile. Met in the same park yesterday like the first day of school, you're still not doing okay. The littlest things are her biggest, they keep her alive, she lives off her music, but he won't take her dancing. I'll take my girl dancing, but I'll get shy and watch. It's not quiet my screen, not quite my beat, but she looks beautiful anyways while everyone who recognizes real beauty watches. My lovers eyes, too, are blue. Some for me and some for you. She hysterically laughs and says brown reminds her of cows, she trusted and got burned. Don't burn me please. "It's not supposed to be like that," but she's going back to college, but she won't forget all about it. I couldn't ever do it either, so just checker your hands with mine and take me for one of your rides.

 This is a favorite place to be, riding down the black chasing October colors with your fast car. Take it in while it's here, soon we'll ALL be bare branched and skinny; bare boned and lost for you, so lost for you. I'm always right when I'm with you. I'm where i want to be and there with with who i want. You're what i want.

Video killed the radio star.

"Let's be quiet now," she says in her shaking voice. I gave no reason, but she picks me out anyways. I miss that girl, i do. She's late and I'm waiting loose in my chair. The clear ray of glass in the door wouldn't be enough for me if she were to walk by. It's raining now like it was that Saturday morning. I held her like it was more. The lighting would be the same, too, if these florescent lights were off, but I'm still sitting loosely in my chair at school, chiseling creativity from pieces of my mind, missing you right now.

Be my berry, paint me blue! I'm into contradictions.

10/3/08

Driven by inspiration, I'm deprived and i blame it on conformity. I miss you like i lost myself. I'm searching, but you're still here. We're all looking for fulfilment, just like i wrote about freshman year. Our hearts are so full, so empty; empty and heavy. Floating away, evacuating poisonous environment. A stranger told you so, she told you right. You'll all get out, but maybe not tonight. In a commercial life, we need money to survive, but I'm striving on sense of wonder and SEX DRIVE. My market company is discovery; discover you, who's gonna discover me? Rise me up girl, rise me up. Get me high, we do it so well, you know we do it so well. 'Cause prize possessions come in plastic bags and brown envelopes some girl leaves in my mailbox. The rest are not possessed, BUT THEY ARE ALL STILL MINE. Yes, irony is thoughtless and sometimes unclear, but my best friend still wears a green lacy bra and I'd imagine too, sexy lingerie!

"Please the teen, they run our economy. 10 million market advertising by the time I'm 18." How did we get here? Video killed the radio star.

I won't change the same as you, i won't be your MTV. "Please excuse my hands," she says underrating instead of degrading. And another sings about no change and Tupac with a smile on her face. WHAT FESTERS IN YOUR SOUL?! Say it confidently. Be mindful as a lover and save our heavy hearts; our souls are souring free still. I like to write in irony, but let me ask you this; do you read the book or watch the movie? Dig for truth or only see what you're shown. And coming back to our friend Chris McCandless, what's your reason to escape?

That's all she wrote. It's all relative and he sings about procrastination in Chemistry class!

Make you shshshake.

10/1/08

I'm craving the knowledge and your body. I'm a thinker and a caresser. Read these words  and breathe  your skin, take it all deep within. Ink my mind and free my soul; I'm thinking bid, please take me in. I want to rock the boat, baby rock your soul. We both know that i can. My body can't keep up with my mind, but i can't be far behind. I want to make your body shake, make it shake. 

You know I can make you shake.

"It was either sink or swim for me." Another talks about radios and frequency. Is this our human decency? In control; uninfected. Do you miss what you cannot have? You were in control of me, but now it's my turn forever. You let me go, then i let you go, finally i get some god damn release. You're none existent in all corners of my mind, I'm focused again; a girl who's in love with the world. Thoughtless for you, COLD HEARTED for you. I've got new things to get me through. I'm what i thought I'd never be, future minded.

..and believe me when i say ignorance CAN be bliss. My parents, they cry, but i can't. Somehow i can't picture the bars. I release the embrace by shaking my legs. "We'll all die and go to heaven and find better teachers."

Streams.

9/26/08

Today she is noticed. Her laugh is genuine. I smile inside out while he talks about maturing minds. Her laugh is craving, digestible and I'm hungry for it. My shoes are the only ones that know where I've been. His writing is shaky, but steady when I'm high, and i still can't hear you. "Our society has dominated up until now." Who hold control?

9/29/08

I'm constantly afraid of being bombed. My past, it threatens me like we do to Iran. Who will win this war and how much will my past inflict my future? Separate the two, where's the difference between me and you? And who likes to be shot anyways? We aim for politicians and lovers. Where is my competency? I ALWAYS give probable cause, but who's really searching me besides myself? "We don't have five minutes," she says with a smile, but he's rushed anyways. Who says i like structure? Is routine hated or overly comfortable? I do know how to shut up. Do you? 

Here comes this years October, my ending September.

Call it awareness and I'll focus more. I had one, but my brother pawned it. Now i depend on my memory to remember, visualize and haunt. "Connecticut Light and Power." Where is the light and who has the power? Not everything is literal.

You're so tempting.

You're a cotton dress type of girl.

Long haired and pretty; curiosity lingers.

Touch you from a distance, pierce you with my stare,

but my mouth says it all. Or at least that's what you say.

You're a magnet to my hands. You pull me in, you know that you pull me in.

So take me while i'm here, 'cause EVERYTHING IS PRECIOUS and my hands don't lie. You know that they don't lie.

And now all blame is on you; yes, temptation won the fight.
All because curiosity lingers my lips.

Gasps of lips.

Tied up and high up.

Drags of your hair and gasps of lips.

Pull me down by my finger tips.

Is this what we came for?

We'll all be coming back for more.

Aluminum cans and dew of morning.

I couldn't tell if my bones were aching from the cold, the hard surface of the back of her car or  the combination of the two. Numerous times i stumbled on my thoughts and tossed and turned. I wondered how i got to be in such a situation, numb in the back of a car, in the field and in the night. I couldn't tell if the confusion came from within or if it was from the tightly packed cloud we were living in hours earlier. With the lights out, i couldn't ever see it come out of my mouth. Heavy eyed and lazy, drag my body around you. You're sleeping and i'm breathing, but we still weren't allowed home. I missed the comfort of my bed, but i had you next to me. I held my knees while the cold air of night cradled me. It's October and its over, but i shouldn't be allowed to be this cold. Comparing a year, today is ironic! I remembered 'cause it's ALREADY been forgotten. Wasn't it funny i scarred my arm? Now i'm skipping dances and crashing weddings. I wake up in wide open fields threatened by dew of morning and light of day. I still don't know why i wasn't in hamdon or why i even thought i cared. It's much better to wake up where windows are walls covered with fog and where rain aims for cars like hitting aluminum cans. That's all we were in; aluminum cans. Intertwining and caressing. I've always been such a caresser, but i still haven't ever gotten high in a dress. I can now say i've ran barefoot through woods and frost-bitting grass, just to get to a party that looked better than mine. I waved to a camcorder, to a stranger i pretended to know. I signed them are card too, but by the time it's noticed i'll be long gone. It was your wedding day and i think that you're pretty, but i'm still not very sorry for crashing your wedding.

I'll always like to aimlessly drive to New Britain with you. Our direction is fucked, but our SENSES are explicit! Just because we wander, does not mean that we are lost.

...

We're all just fools in love.

Expect recklessness.

"We think you're reckless." Is that good or bad? I'm not sure in which way i should take it. "Unexpected," the words she chose. Unexpected to her; at most? I guess i have hidden versions of myself. They are all me, but which one am i? One subsides while another presence. All existent, as shallow as skin, as deep as bones, as obvious as truth. Do you see the sarcasm in mist with my tongue? "My insides are rotting." She's said that before. She's not decaying, she's just tragically blooming. Just because it's under covers, doesn't mean it's hidden. Just hidden under versions of self. Beautiful disaster , "bleeming" existence. She's pressed and cracking. How do we fill our voids? Space can haunt, so fill me up. Release my breath with distinguishable fragments. Smokey mouthed and blurred, yet beautifully clear; can you see this version now or am i still reckless and unexpected?

EXPECT RECKLESSNESS. 

I'm rotting if you are.

ABSORBING OBSERVATIONS; a minute of mind.

What is my common good? "I don't like when you're upset." Such a selfish statement, but not a selfish girl. I wasn't being mean, I'm just trapped in my mind. I can't get out. How did i begin to feel better? The feelings, did they go away? To where? They haven't left, only subsided. You wouldn't know what i substitute with. Fuck communities. I'm a society within my own mind. "Let them seep into your bones." She's passionate when she speaks, beating all energy in her room. Just because I'm quiet doesn't mean i have nothing to say.

Fields of skin.

It's raining. She's breathing. I'm craving.

I grab, i move, i search. Let's see what i can find.

She grips. Those nails. My arms. Her neck.

A humid breeze from the cave of my mouth.

In this moment, i wish it wasn't vacant.

Fields of skin in the palms of my hands, on the tips of my fingers.

Inner thighs and under cheeks, let loose and hold tight.

Drifting, falling, laying and a silent scream for more.

Never enough.

My lips spoke static in her ear, i wonder what it was that she wanted to hear.